At A Loss
by illuminatingthesoul
Summary: A devastating event throws Sam and Andy into a painful and uncertain recovery, revealing new sides of them. Rated M, just cause swearing seemed appropriate for the situation.
1. Recoil

Hey all, so this is my first fanfic. Of course, all feedback is appreciated but you know, please be nice :)

this one gets pretty heavy in the later chapters, and yes, there will be more talking in the next one, i promise.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue, or anything cool like that. (wah)

At A Loss

Andy counted her paces as she made her way down the deserted street, her arms at her sides. She knew she should be at home, sleeping. Like normal people do at 2 in the morning. The thermometer had read -4 C when she left her apartment, but somehow she didn't actually feel the cold nipping at her limbs until she stood in front of his door, contemplating her options. Then she realized she didn't really have any. Either go home and slip into a catatonic state, one that she was already well on her way to, or knock on his door and slip into a catatonic state in his arms.

She could see a dim light was on in his living room. She slowly brought her hand up and tapped her fingers on the door, simply not having the energy to knock properly. She heard him walk slowly down the hallway, and braced herself for the inevitable lecture. 'Why are you at my house, McNally?' 'I was sleeping, McNally.' He hadn't called her Andy in weeks. When he opened the door, she drew in a quick breath as she took the sight of him in. He looked just like she did.

"It was my fault." Sam whispered, wiping his eyes and leaning against the door frame. His hair was tossed in every which direction, his shirt stained with the blood from the blow to his head. She hadn't changed since earlier, either. She couldn't just wash it off, she couldn't let go. His eyes were bloodshot and wide, unable to focus on anything. She measured her words carefully, noting his tear stained cheeks. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words seemed capable of repairing the damage that the day's events had done to the both of them.

He turned back into the hallway and walked a few steps into the house, she followed. After closing the door behind her, she turned around to look at him. She was completely numb, and had been for a few hours now. Wasn't hungry, wasn't thirsty. She was on autopilot. As it became evident now, so was he. Her heart and lungs froze when he turned his head to look at her with an emotion she'd never seen on him before. Resignation.

"Sam." She choked out. He leaned back against the wall and slid down to the floor, his knees bent. The lamp in the living room didn't reach them as Andy joined him on the hardwood and they sat in darkness. She didn't know what he needed. She hated herself for it. Because, in reality, it was her fault; not his.

When she leaned into him, all of her feeling returned. She thought she had wasted all of her tears earlier, but now it was clear that Sam was able to extract her deepest emotions with a single touch.

A sob shook her shoulders and tears cascaded down her face. She'd never felt so guilty, so weighed down by something in her life. She clenched her fists and slammed them against her knees, before turning to him and finding words.

"I did this. It was my fucking fault." She sobbed. She'd always been a very well contained person, but self loathing can change that pretty quickly. "I couldn't save her. I couldn't fix it and she just…" Her voice trailed off. He pulled her close to him and buried his face in her neck as she trembled, clenching and unclenching her fists. She was rambling on about nothing, none of her sentences making any sense. He thought about everything and nothing at the same time, and quickly became immersed in his own mind. He was pulled out of his daze by a loud noise.

"Sam!" She screamed at him, hysterical. She didn't understand how this could happen, how she could feel this way. Like there was no tomorrow, and she'd just destroyed today. When he pulled away and looked her in the eyes, she stopped moving. She stopped everything. She realized that if anyone deserved comfort, it was him. She untangled herself from his arms and turned her body to face him. "She loved you." Sam rested his head in his hands and breathed heavily, trying to hold on to his well loved control. Andy took his hands in hers and touched her forehead to his, hoping to comfort him. She felt goose bumps spread over his body as his shoulders began to tremble.

"This was my fault, Andy. I promised I would protect her, and I couldn't. I should have been the one taking the bullet, I shouldn't be here. I should be lying dead in some funeral chapel and she should be here." He whispered. Without warning he lifted himself off the ground and walked into the living room. Andy followed him in and watched him pace. "I lost her. She was scared, and I wasn't there. I'm fucking pathetic, how could I let this happen?" He threw a punch through the wall, making Andy jump and leaving a gaping hole beside the TV. He ran his hands through his hair, minding his stitches. Andy walked up to him, and took his hand. She told him to sit on the couch and she went to grab a blanket. When she returned, he was back in the hallway. "You can't expect me to sleep." He looked at her.

"I don't. I was just gonna cover up that hole." She told him. She dropped the blanket on the ground and returned to her spot on the floor where Sam quickly joined her.

"I don't think I can live with myself." He said; his voice barely audible.

"Me either." Andy croaked, tears welling up once more. This time, when he saw her eyes grow glassy, his did too.

"Fuck, Andy. What _happened_ today?" He asked, his voice desperate. Andy turned to him, tears beginning to spill.

"We lost." She whispered. Sam's face sang devastation as Andy pulled him into her, his head nestled in the crook of her neck. She grasped his hand, and felt the tension in his body disappear as tears slowly trickled down his face. He shook as he sobbed, and Andy did too. They knew they'd never be able to forget what they'd seen.

"We lost."


	2. Relive

Thanks for the amazing reviews! :) I really didn't think anyone would dig it, hahah. well, here's the next chapter!

(still don't own RB.)

Andy stretched out her knees and yawned, careful not to disturb Sam. The early morning sun tossed its rays through the two small windows on either side of the front door, illuminating the red tones in her hair. She looked at the sleeping man next to her, his arms still tucked around her, his head leaning against the wall. There was no way that they could give official statements today. She extracted herself from his grip with ease, a skill grown from countless walks of shame, and stood over him. When he failed to stir and his breathing remained even, she turned to walk into the kitchen and make a few calls. As she turned away, she heard him speak.

"When we were little, she used to force me to have tea parties with her." He looked at his still bent knees, his voice monotonous. Andy stopped and leaned against the doorframe, laughing at herself for thinking he'd still be asleep. "I don't remember it, mind you. But I've seen pictures, lots of pictures." He looked up at her. "And in every one of those pictures, I had these fairy wings on. She told me that I was her fairy prince, and I needed to dress accordingly." They exchanged brief glances before laughter erupted. Andy returned to her spot on the floor.

"Well, to be honest, I'm sure you made a terrific fairy prince." She giggled, her voice soothing his wounds.

"What time is it? We've got to go in today and give statements." Sam said, trying to pull his mind away from tender memories.

"Look, if you don't mind I think I'm gonna call Frank and see if we can't come in tomorrow. If it were anything else, you know, we'd have to be in there… But this definitely isn't anything else." Andy's voice trailed off. He nodded, furrowing his brows. What else was there to do? There was one thing he was certain of, he simply couldn't think about it. Not today, maybe not tomorrow. Not ever, is the desirable choice of course, but the crackle of the electricity in the room reminded him that with Andy McNally sitting next to him. And that meant, he was going to have to think about it.

Sam was slightly puzzled as to what happened last night. He knew she would come over, knew she'd want to 'talk', he'd just expected that he'd willingly follow her into his bedroom, they'd drown their sorrows in each other and she'd be gone; no matter how much he begged her to stay. What he hadn't expected, was all the crying and soul baring. All of his plans were blown to hell when she was around. And now look at him.

"What are we even supposed to tell him? I can barely remember everything, it happened… so fast." Andy began, unconsciously weaving her fingers together. He could tell she was conflicted. Whenever she had a dilemma to face, she'd fidget like she was now. "I mean, they hit you and I went to find her, then she was in that room and there was the gun, and –" Sam cut her off.

"I really don't wanna talk about this, Andy. Please." He was humiliated after losing himself in front of her last night, he wasn't to keen on doing it again. But if he had to relive Sarah's last minutes on earth, he knew it was inevitable.

"Sam…" She whispered, knowing it would take only one word to get her point across.

"I know. Can we get something to eat first, or no, I've got an amazing single malt I was saving in the living room." He started to get up before Andy pulled him back down.

"I don't think we should drink." She stated, seemingly as surprised at her own words as Sam was. He looked at her with confusion splayed across his face.

"If we start, I don't think we're going to stop. At least, I know I won't." She said quietly. He wasn't used to braving the devastation that was going to be thrown at him as soon as he fell asleep.

"Andy, I really just need one. Or three, or six shots; whatever. All I know is that this is about to get really bad. The first night, you're still in shock. The second night, however, is when the nightmares decide to make an appearance. If you think you can handle them, McNally, then by all means don't touch my Scotch. I, on the other hand, am not going to face them alone." Sam warned.

"Sam, please." She whispered with a slight tinge of desperation in her words. "My Dad… this is how he started. One night cause he needed it. Then another night cause he still couldn't deal. Then he just couldn't stop." Her eyes silently begged. "We can't slip into this habit." Sam sighed.

"Fine, Andy. I'll tell you right now, it's gonna be a rough night." He stopped, realizing that maybe she didn't plan on staying another night. He turned to ask her, but she beat him to it.

"I was kind of assuming, but I guess I should ask you if I'm allowed to stay here tonight." She mumbled. He laughed and grabbed her hand.

"I was hoping you would." His smile faded as another scenario flooded his mind. "Andy, I'm only gonna say this once okay? I know you stayed here last night, but if I wake up tomorrow and you've disappeared off into the night, I will never forgive you." He hated being having to say it, but he knew the damage would be ten times worse if she abandoned him.

"Sam, leaving hadn't even crossed my mind." She smiled at him, and walked to the sliding door in the living room to close the curtains before doing the same to the windows. Then reality really set in. She was in his house, no doubt spending the weekend there, and she felt at home. She'd never felt at home, not even in her own house. But here she was, dreading the inevitable moment when she had to leave. When she turned around, he was there.

"Andy, I need you to do something for me." He wouldn't look her in the eyes.

"Sure Sam, anything." She answered, confused.

"You won't let me drink myself into a coma, you're not gonna try to distract me and keep my mind off of what happened." He looked at her. "For as long as you can, just keep me awake." She reached up and touched his cheek, her voice barely audible.

"You can't run from this." He leaned in to her, their noses touching.

"But I can't face it either." He shuddered.

"It's only 10 AM, Sam, we've got lots time to be awake. As for tonight, I'll be here when you wake up." Her long eyelashes grazed his cheek and sent shivers down his spine. He furrowed his eyebrows and placed his hands on the small of her back.

"How are you doing?" He asked her, momentarily casting aside his self pity.

"Better, now that I'm here." She breathed. "I just don't like seeing you hurt like this. When you're feeling better, then I'll deal with myself." She stated matter-of-factly. Sam laughed at her.

"You're ridiculous Andy." Her eyes widened and she smiled as she playfully punched his arm.

"I just wanted to take care of you first." She giggled and he pulled her into him and held her close for a few seconds, never wanting to let go.

"We should watch some movies." Andy mused. Sam let out another laugh before kissing her head and releasing her.

"I'll set up the sofa bed, and you pick something. How does that sound?" He smiled earnestly for the first time in days.

"Sounds perfect." She smiled.

Andy sat on the newly folded down sofa bed and scrolled through the movies on VOD while Sam made popcorn. After about ten minutes of not being able to pick one they both liked, they settled on a film called The Ghost Writer. Neither really intended to watch the movie, and that was just the way it played out when Andy crawled into Sam's arm and promptly fell asleep about twenty minutes in. Sam never really wanted to see it, so when Andy drifted off, he turned off the TV and waited for her to start thrashing in her sleep.

He lay there with Andy asleep on his chest, staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. He did everything in his power to keep his mind away from his sister. When Andy began whimpering in her sleep, he didn't have a problem shifting his focus. Sam got up and grabbed a glass of water, which he knew she would need. He'd had too much experience with these nightmares, and he knew that they could seem very, very real.

When he got back to the living room and crawled into bed with her again, she'd calmed down. _Maybe they don't scare her as much as me._ Sam had become lost in his thoughts when Andy screamed and shocked herself awake. She was sweating bullets and completely out of breath. She rolled over onto her back and instinctively, Sam took her in his arms. She was choking on her own breath trying to breathe, speak and cry at the same time. He pulled her into his lap held her, trying to calm her as best he could. With one hand on her back and the other caressing her hair, he never wanted her to leave. When her tremors eventually ceased, she looked at him with more terror in her eyes than he'd ever seen, and the crying started all over again.

"I killed her, I killed her" Andy cried, "I'm so sorry Sam, I'm so sorry."

As much as Sam wanted to tell her she was wrong, he knew that nothing he could every say would fix how she was feeling.

For now, they just had to brave the storm.


	3. Resist

Alright, so needless to say, I was NOT expecting such great reviews! :) seriously, i love them. they make me smile all day.

in this one we've got a little romance, but not much. not really the place, hahaha. maybe later? (if you all want me to keep going, that is)

of course, if anyone has any questions or critiques, the usual, please feel free to let me know :)

me = still not owning rb.

Resist

They sat on the sofa bed intertwined in each other for almost an hour, Sam consoling Andy, Andy crying and apologizing to Sam. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't his either. But they'd never see it that way. When Andy calmed down, Sam got up and started fixing lunch. He was in the middle of stirring the pasta when he noticed Andy still hadn't changed. She was still wearing the same white shirt she'd been wearing the day before, the same white shirt that was now stained with blood. He was too, mind you, wearing the same shirt. But the blood on his was his own. The blood on Andy's wasn't.

"Andy honey, why don't you go grab a shirt out of my room. That one is covered in blood." She knew he'd bring it up sometime, but was surprised at his choice of words. Honey? A little out of character, yes; but she still welcomed the comment with open arms. But at the moment, her growing affection for Sam wasn't the only thing she wasn't letting on.

"It's really okay. I'm fine just wearing this." She looked away from him, obviously hiding something. She was never too good at hiding.

"Andy… What's going on?" He put down the wooden spoon in his hand and walked over to her.

"I'm just okay in this, you know? I don't wanna make more laundry for you; you've got enough on your plate. It's not that big of a deal." She rambled. Sam once again wrapped his arms around her waist. It was amazing how comfortable they'd become with each other over the past few days.

"Why won't you take off the shirt?" Sam brought his hands to her chin and tilted her face up towards his. When she didn't answer, he asked her again. This time, she worried her bottom lip between her teeth before answering.

"I can't take it off because when I do, it means she's really gone and I'm still here. And you won't take yours off either!" She said quickly, before saying the last sentence in protest. He stepped back and with one swift movement he lifted his shirt over his head. Even though she'd seen him shirtless before, it still caught her off guard.

"Yeah but that's your blood. It doesn't count… as much." She mentally reprimanded herself for talking like a fifth grader. _'It doesn't count, Sam.' Nice one Andy. _

"I know what you're feeling Andy. If I were you, I'd be doing the same thing. Maybe it's just because I'm seeing it from a different perspective, but taking it off isn't going to erase her." He cooed.

"Sam, I can't do it. I know I should, but I just can't." She admitted. Sam definitely knew that he was crossing about 100 different lines, but she was just going to hurt herself, and him, even more if she couldn't take it off. He stepped towards her and with one sentence, Andy surrendered.

"Sarah would hate this." He whispered. More tears welled up in Andy's eyes.

"She can't hate it. She's dead." She whispered almost inaudibly. Tears filled Sam's eyes and he turned away for a second. He sniffed and wiped his eyes before once again facing Andy and lifted her arms before pulling her shirt up and over her head. He looked at her shirt in his hands, looked at his sister's blood that ran from the shoulder to the bottom hem. Careful not to touch the red stain, he folded the shirt and placed it on the kitchen table.

He turned around to see Andy looking down at her stomach, her mouth hanging open. It seemed obvious now, but they just hadn't considered that the blood would have seeped through, inevitably remaining on her skin. Sam saw Andy's knees begin to buckle and he caught her just as she was about to collapse into herself. He carried her upstairs to the bathroom. _Funny_, he thought, _when I pictured me carrying her upstairs half naked, this was not what I had in mind. _When they reached the bathroom, he sat Andy down on the counter and placed his hands on either side of her.

"How about you take a shower while I finish lunch?" He asked her, trying to gauge her mental state. She shook her head.

"Well what do you want to do, Andy? I can't really shower with you. Well I could, but…" She smiled, but he knew better than to press the idea. Chances are, she'd say yes, but he didn't want more confused, emotional, regret-later sex.

"I don't want to wash it off yet." Andy knew how ridiculous she was being, but she couldn't fight it. Sam smelled the sauce burning downstairs.

"You know what, Andy? I'm gonna go put lunch on hold, okay? Then we'll get you cleaned up, and after that, we're going to talk about it. You can say anything you want to try to convince me that we shouldn't, but we need to. I'm cancelling with Best right now, and then I'm ordering a pizza for six." He stated. Andy opened her mouth but a pointed look from Sam effectively silenced her. "No arguments. I'll see you in a minute."

After Sam had left and walked down the stairs, Andy looked over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked dreadful. She was wearing less clothing than she realized; a purple bra which was also soaked in blood and her grey sweats. Her hair used to be in a ponytail, but it now it was basically everywhere, with her hair elastic nowhere to be seen. She had makeup from two days ago spread erratically around her face, and Sarah's blood smeared from her shoulder down to her hips. She didn't realize how much there was. A feeling of nausea washed over her and within seconds she was on her knees in front of the toilet, throwing up what she hadn't eaten in two days. Sam was in the doorway in seconds, phone still in hand.

"Yeah Frank, I'll call you back." He snapped the phone shut and sat next to her. "What happened?" He asked, an urgency in his voice that he didn't disguise well.

"I looked in the mirror. There's blood all over me." Andy said. She was surprised she wasn't in tears, but she just wrote it off to being exhausted. Sam got up and left the room for a minute before returning with a washcloth.

"Up." He helped Andy to her feet. "You won't shower with or without me, so we're going to do this the hard way." Sam ran the cloth under some warm water before trying to wipe away some of the blood on her stomach. His hand started shaking as the blood started to disappear. As he moved up her stomach, he noticed a small freckle on her ribs identical to the one that Sarah had. He looked at his hands, now coloured with her blood and saw her face; her smiling face.

He saw her on the day she graduated, her sixteenth birthday, the day he made it through the Academy. She had such a beautiful smile. Then he saw her crying. He saw her crying when she skinned her knee falling off her bike, crying when their family pet had to be put to sleep. Crying the night her parents brought her home from the hospital after she'd been attacked. Crying the second time she'd been attacked, and crying before she died.

His breathing grew shallow and his discomfort was not lost on Andy. She placed her hand over his on her stomach and removed the cloth from his grasp. After placing it on the counter, she knelt down in front of him. When he looked up at her, her amber eyes bore straight through to his soul. Even she was surprised; normally he was the one deciphering her. She held his hands with one of hers and placed the other one lovingly on his neck.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked him, nearly whispering.

"No. But we should." His voice quivered as he stood up and guided Andy into his bedroom.

"You like talking in your bedroom?" Andy inquired, trying to smile. Sam looked back at her and tried his best, too.

"My bed is more comfortable than the floor. This way, it won't be so awkwardly positioned when you inevitably make yourself comfortable in my arms." He said with true Swarek flare. He had Andy believing his smile until it faded all too quickly. They settled onto the bed after changing into more comfortable clothes. They both knew they'd be there a while. Now, Andy in one of Sam's T-shirts and a pair of his boxers, and Sam clad in just his boxers, they tried to focus on the matter at hand.

"How do you wanna do this?" Andy propped herself up on one elbow.

"Let's make it like when we talk to Best. We'll start with the call." Sam said professionally. Andy shivered, not sure if she was ready to do this. However, she knew she had to have faith. She looked over at Sam and prayed that this was as bad as it would get. Sam returned her gaze, his face unreadable. He looked at Andy, lying on his bed in his clothing, and for just a minute forgot the world. Then, out of nowhere, Andy leaned over and kissed him, just once. This wasn't a kiss filled with passion, or heat, it was a kiss that said 'you're all I need.' His eyes smiled at her and she rolled over on to her back. On separate pillows, they stared at the ceiling.

"Are we gonna be okay?" Andy said. He had no idea where this was coming from, but he wasn't about to ask. Instead, he rolled over and answered her with another kiss.

"I hope so."


	4. Remember

Okay everyone, you are seriously blowing my mind with such great reviews! I've got five, almost six chapters written... but i'm not sure if I should go any further with it.

Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

So, this one is intense. Like it gets really, really, really heavy. Really heavy. Just a heads up. Brace yourself.

* * *

Andy's words floated through the air as Sam tried to stay focused. They lay on his bed, each on their own side; not touching except for the tight grip that Sam had on Andy's hand.

"After we left the scene of the B&E, we stopped to grab a coffee. You waited in the car. When I came back I saw you yelling into your phone. Then you closed it and slammed your hands on the wheel. You called to me, so I ran." Andy started.

"You got in the car, and I started driving." Sam contributed.

"Fast. You started driving really fast." Andy tossed in.

_Sam threw the car around a sharp corner, barely looking before entering the intersection._

_ "Sam, what is going on?" Andy was worried._

_ "Nothing, Andy. I've just got to go see my sister. Light it up, will you?" Sam replied curtly. He gunned it around another turn and just managed to stay off the sidewalk on Lake Shore. _

_ "Sam, tell me what is going on!" Andy demanded. She knew that something was very, very wrong. Yeah, Sam was kind of unpredictable, and he did like to drive fast, but this was way too much._

_ "That was Sarah. There are some guys outside her house; she thinks it's the same ones from when she was little. It probably isn't, but she's terrified. We've just gotta go check on her, okay? It won't take long." He said quickly. She knew he wasn't telling her everything, but she decided to leave it at that. _

_ "Sam it'll take an hour and a half to get there." Andy said, before mentally eating her words. It's Sam, they'd be there in 45. He laughed at her before taking another sharp turn. His phone rang again._

_ "I'll get it, you're driving like a madman as it is." Andy mumbled, grabbing his phone off his lap. Her closeness did not go unnoticed. The caller ID read Sarah, and Andy quickly relayed the information._

_ "It's Sar–" Sam cut her off._

_ "Shit, answer it McNally!" He practically shouted. She flipped the phone open._

_ "Sarah? This is Sam's partner Andy." She said into the receiver. She held the phone a few inches from her ear, before shooting an alarmed look at Sam._

_ "Sarah, what's going on? I can't understand you." Andy tried to calm the woman down. Sam's knuckles turned white as he heard his sister's screams through the phone._

_ "Sarah, please, tell me, what is happening? We're about forty minutes out, do we need to call for backup? Should we send someone over?" Andy pried. Sam could hear more yelling from the phone._

_ "She'll never let anyone else in; she's got four locks on all of her doors." Sam said, regarding backup. He motioned for Andy to hold the phone to his ear. _

_ "Sarah, Sarah. It's me, Sammy. Can you tell me what's going on? Where are you?" He called to her. "No, no Sarah hold on! Sarah! Don't hang –"Sam slammed his fist against the steering wheel as the line went dead._

_ "Fuck, Andy they're in the house." Sam swore at himself, hammering his foot onto the gas. The engine roared as he sped into oncoming traffic, charging passed numerous cars while Andy held onto the door for dear life._

Sam's palms were sweaty, now and Andy's breathing was a little laboured. They were both dreading what came next.

"Are you okay?" Andy asked, tightening her grip on his hand.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He replied, taking a deep breath. "You?"

"So far, so good." She smiled at him. "Just gotta remember to breathe, you know?" He laughed.

_They reached St. Catharines a record thirty minutes later. Sam pulled up in front of her house and jumped out of the car while it was still rolling. Andy threw on the E brake and chased him to the house. Inside, they could hear screaming. Sarah's screams._

_ Sam tried to open to door, but like he said it would be, it was locked. He took a few steps back and threw himself into it, causing the wood near the hinges to splinter. A few more hits and the door was down._

_ "Andy, cover me." He didn't even look at her as he moved into the living room. The house fell silent as Sam made his way into the back rooms of the house, motioning for Andy to take upstairs. She quietly crept up the carpeted stairs and paused when she heard shuffling downstairs. She continued when she decided it was just Sam, checking everything. She opened the door to her right, and turned in, gun first. After checking the closet and finding nothing, she moved on. She checked a bathroom and another spare bedroom before turning to the last door on the right. She pressed her ear to the door as quietly as she could. She heard whispers, and whimpers._

_ "Shutup, bitch. Move and I'll blow your head off, and then your brothers, too." The voice said. Downstairs, she heard a loud thump and knew she had to make her move. With one swift movement, Andy kicked the door right off of its hinges. The door flew backwards, revealing an almost naked Sarah, being restrained by a man wearing a brightly coloured children's mask. She shuddered, but continued on her mission._

_ "Sam!" She called down before walking into the room. Sarah squirmed in the man's hands, trying to free herself. Another step in and she saw the gun he had in her back. "Drop the gun, now." She ordered, trying to get a clear shot at the man. He scoffed._

_ "I don't think so. We got this bitch twenty five years ago, why would we just give up on the second time around?" The man's voice slithered around her. She gritted her teeth, fuming. _

_ "Just please, don't hurt them. Please!" Sarah begged. "You guys can go, okay? It's okay just get Sam out of here." She told Andy. Speaking of Sam, where was he? Andy's heart began beating a little faster. _

_ "Let her go, now. You've got one more chance before our marksman takes you out." Andy warned, praying he'd buy her bluff._

_ "Marksman? Hah. I doubt that." Shit. Andy kept talking._

_ "I'm serious, buddy. I give the signal, and the guy on that roof over there? You see him? He kills you." She pointed to a general area behind the man. _

_ "Oh yeah? And what's this signal, officer" he squinted to read her nametag. "McNally?." Andy smiled, he'd taken the bait. _

_ "You sure you wanna find out?" She asked him. He replied but she wasn't listening. She was looking into Sarah's eyes. 'Be ready.' She begged her, silently. As of right now, she prayed that all the nonsense about Woman's Intuition wasn't just a load of bullshit._

_ "Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you." Andy smiled at him and quickly lifted her right hand into the air, as if to high five somebody. The man's eyes grew wide and he tried to jump away from the window. When he turned, Sarah dropped and Andy took the shot. Sarah screamed as the mans blood effectively soaked her window. Downstairs, Andy heard Sam calling, his voice groggy and inconsistent. _

_ "Ann-dy." He tried, but his head was pounding and he couldn't make any more noise. "I'm, I'm coming!" He pulled himself off of the ground and began moving towards the stairs, glancing back at the man he'd knocked out. He brought a hand to his head and removed another splinter of wood that became embedded in his skull when the bastard swung a two by four at him. Blood curled around his fingers._

_ Upstairs, Andy stepped into the hallway, trying to hear what Sam was saying. She saw him round the corner and returned to Sarah. When she walked back into the room, she was horrified. Sarah was standing in the back corner with the man's gun to her head. _

_ "Oh my God, Sarah please don't!" Andy cried. Sarah's response was less than informative._

_ "I can't do it anymore, I ruined him. And now I'm just gonna make it even worse." She bawled, her finger tentatively shaking on the trigger. "I can't do this to him again." Andy was confused._

_ "Who, Sam?" Sarah nodded. "Sarah, Sam is right here. He loves you so much, please put the gun down." Andy pleaded, aware that Sam hadn't actually joined them yet. _

_ "Sarah, please." Sarah shook her head, tugging at the broken bra strap hanging from the blue undergarment. _

_ "They got me again. They came back, like they always said they would. And they found me. If they found me here, they can find me anywhere. I can't do this anymore!" Sarah screamed at no one in particular._

_ Down the hallway, Sam had collapsed. He was trying to steady himself and call out to his sister. He didn't know what was happening, only that Andy was scared and Sarah needed him._

_ "Sarah, I promise you we'll protect you. Sam is an amazing officer, nothing will ever happen to you again. I swear on my life." Andy did her best to get the woman to relax. "Sarah I'm begging you. He'll never forgive himself if you do this. Please."_

_ Sam pulled himself towards the master bedroom. He lifted himself off of the ground with the help of the door frame. He stumbled into Andy just as Sarah spoke._

_ "And I'll never forgive myself if I don't." She said, a sudden calm washed over her._

_ "Sarah!" Andy screamed. _

"Are you still okay?" Sam whispered. Andy, who had gradually made her way across the bed and was now practically lying on top of him, just tightened her grip on his forearm. He could see the images flashing through her mind. "Yeah, me either." Sam whispered.


	5. Replay

Alright! Here's chapter five. It starts out pretty gruesome, not gonna lie. But it gets better. I don't know how you're all gonna take the last few lines,

but losing together holds a special place in my heart.

Today is thanksgiving in Canada, so here's one little thing I'm thankful for: people that never let you go.

Thanks all for reading!

* * *

_Sarah looked directly at Sam. "Turn around, little brother. Now." _

_ "No, Sarah. Put that gun down, right now. Now!" He ordered her, his voice shaking more than ever._

_ "Now, Sam. Turn the fuck around." Her tone shocked Sam and Andy._

_ "Sarah please, just don't. Okay? We're right here for you, just drop the gun."_

_ "It's too late!" Sarah screamed. Sam tried to reach out, but in the process he knocked himself off balance and collapsed onto the floor, hitting his head. A gunshot rang out and everything went dark._

_ When Sam came to and opened his eyes, everything was still fuzzy. As life began to return to its normal state, he realized what he was looking at. Andy had taken off her jacket and vest and was pressing the blue material to Sarah's wound. She was screaming and crying, cradling a dead Sarah in her arms. _

_ "Wake up, Sarah. Just wake up." She whispered over and over again through her tears. Sam lay on the floor for a few more minutes before crawling over to Andy. Had he been able to stand, he would've lifted the woman off the floor and carried her to a safe place. Which woman, that is, he didn't know. He looked down at Sarah, her eyes wide open. He pulled himself into the other room before throwing up. When he returned, nothing had changed. Andy was still applying pressure to the wound, even though it was obvious Sarah had died instantly. _

_ It was just now that he even thought to radio in for backup. As soon as he heard cars were on their way, he lifted his hand up to Andy's face. For the first time since they'd entered the house, Andy really looked at him. She wasn't distracted by anything, and she just looked at him. And everything else disappeared. Her breathing slowed, he pulled himself up and wrapped his arms around her. He did his best not to look at Sarah. _

_ "What happened to your head?" Andy whispered, in shock._

_ "It doesn't matter." He responded, rocking back and forth lightly, trying to sooth a terrified Andy, and himself. It hadn't really sunk in yet. He knew he had to look at her again. Until then, it wasn't real. He put his hand down to the floor to stable himself. When his hand touched something warm and sticky, he pulled it back and looked. Sarah's blood. They were crouched in a pool of Sarah's blood._

_ That was when it hit him. The blood that was up until a few minutes ago, coursing through her veins, was now pooling around her lifeless body. Sam's body began to shake. He desperately tried to wipe the blood off his hand before he gripped Andy even tighter and began to cry along with her. A few minutes later, they heard sirens outside. He and Andy gathered themselves up and began to walk outside, still completely in a daze. They stumbled through the busted down front door and Sam gave the information to the officer while Andy stood next to him sobbing, hanging onto his arm like it was all she had._

_ "M-my sister. Sarah, she called me. Said men were trying to get into her house so I drove here. When we got here, they were inside. I knocked one out, he's in the kitchen. The other ones dead upstairs." He said slowly, struggling to remember it all._

_ "And?" The man said._

_ "And what?"_

_ "Your sister?" Sam's stomach hit the floor. His knees began to shake as another wave of grief and horror hit him head on. Andy felt tremors overtake his body._

_ "She's upstairs too. Bring her back to the Chapel near 15." Andy whispered before she shifted in such a way that she had a better hold on Sam. The officer gave her a confused, then sympathetic look. _

_ "You guys go with the paramedics, okay? Go get checked out. I'll notify 15." The man said. The ride in the ambulance back to their usual hospital was quiet. Sam wouldn't lie down on the stretcher, despite the blow to his head. He insisted that he sit next to Andy. Maybe it was because they were in shock, but they were inseparable. About two hours later, they got back to the precinct. Andy stood near the door for a half hour staring into nothing before Traci made an executive decision and drove her home. When they reached her apartment, Andy told Traci she'd go see Luke. Sam told Oliver what happened and fled the barn before he started to cry again._

"Why didn't I just come home with you in the first place?" Andy sniffed, her face damp with tears. By now, she was leaning against the headboard, with Sam's head on her stomach. He cried harder than she did and didn't let her go for a second.

"I have no idea. It seems like the obvious choice." He replied, exhaustion clearly making its way into his body.

"Do you wanna go to sleep?" She proposed.

"I'm scared to sleep." Sam whispered. He didn't care about being tough anymore, not right now at least. His tears soaked the shirt she was wearing.

"Maybe it'll be better because we talked about it." She pondered, running her fingers through his dark hair. He'd gotten eight stitches.

"I guess." Sam admitted. "And we gotta sleep sometime, right?" She sighed. Sam lifted himself off of Andy before pulling her down next to him.

"Let's just make a deal. If either of us notices the other stirring a bit, we gotta wake each other up, okay? Don't let it get too bad, you know?" Sam mumbled as he pulled the comforter up over both of them. Andy agreed and rolled over onto his side of the bed, snuggling up to him as best she could. She wanted to believe it would get better from here. But tomorrow, Sam had to go pick out caskets. And of course, Andy was not letting him go alone. '_Oh well.'_ She thought. _'Tomorrow can wait.'_ For now, she was quite happy curled up next to Sam. He smiled down at her and rubbed her arm with his thumb.

"You know, Andy. Although I wish this never had to happen, and I'd take it back in a second, I'm really glad that I lost with you." Sam's eyes drifted shut.

"I'd lose with you any day." She replied, forgetting the world for as long as she could.


	6. Revive

Alright, so starting now, things are a bit lighter. a little romance, a little normalcy. andy and sam are slowly starting to warm up to each other. well, not exactly slowly.

second last chapter. i have a happy ending written, but if you guys want this to keep going, let me know and i'll whip up something to keep going with the story. enjoy!

* * *

That night was not without casualties. Andy woke up six times to Sam shaking violently next to her, sweating and speaking nonsense in his sleep. Every time, she'd rub his back and whisper soothing words into his ear. And every time, he'd pull her in close and get lost in her voice. She didn't realize just how comforting it was for him. She kept him sane to the point where every time he'd drift back to sleep, he'd know that as terrified as he was about to be, she'd be there when it was over. And that was all he needed to face the night terrors that would normally have consumed him. However, it also meant that Andy didn't get much sleep herself.

She woke up at about ten, startled by a noise outside. Sitting up in bed, she immediately felt a void next to her on the bed where Sam was no longer lying. She rubbed her neck, confused by the hollowness engulfing her chest. She heard the bushes outside the window rattle, and her eyes widened. She knew it couldn't be, but it still scared her. She leapt out of bed, tugging on the black shirt she was wearing as she quietly but quickly padded down the hallway, searching for him.

As she rounded the corner into the living room, she admitted to herself just how scared she was without him. She approached the kitchen and was slightly alarmed when she noticed the door was closed. She held her breath as she opened the door, and was beyond relieved when she saw him standing in front of the oven. As she breathed in, she was greeted by a range of familiar scents. A once over of the kitchen explained why.

"How long have you been up?" Andy asked him, groggily. He walked to her and nestled his nose in her hair.

"No idea." He whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. He really didn't know how to thank her for being so supportive these past few days, and being so completely selfless. So, he did what his mother used to do. He baked.

"So, you woke up and started, cooking?" Andy asked, giggling. She ran her hands up his bare back, revelling in the surprising softness of his skin. He breathed in her scent before touching his forehead to hers, with an intimacy they'd become accustomed to.

"No, I started baking." He smiled with his mouth and his eyes, his dimpled making Andy's heart beat in double time. "You tell anyone, Ms. McNally, and I'll…" he paused. Kill her? Never forgive her? String her up? Even in a humorous manner, it was way too soon.

"You'll what, officer?" She enunciated, a sultriness in her voice that he'd only been subjected to once before.

"Wouldn't you like to know." He breathed, his smile disappearing. He dipped his head down and pressed his lips to hers, a sweet kiss soon turning to one of passion and undeniable fervour. She responded immediately, lacing her arms around his neck as he held her captive against the wall. His hand traced her body down to her thigh, encouraging her leg up around his waist. He lifted her off the ground and carried her to the still turned down sofa bed, his lips only leaving hers to nip at her neck. He dropped them down onto the bed and continued to devour her lips in hungry kisses. He ran his hand down to her chest and was very appreciative of the fact that she still hadn't gotten her bra out of the wash.

"Shit, Sam what time is it?" She asked breathlessly, not releasing her grip on him.

"Who cares?" He continued his exploration under her shirt.

"Remember? We've gotta go talk to the… funeral director." She really hated herself for calling off this long anticipated encounter. He paused and looked at her, his brown eyes darker than ever.

"I knew this would happen." He smiled.

"What do you mean?" She asked, her eyebrow raised.

"I meant to just kiss you in there, but the fact is, Andy, that you are just as if not more delicious than everything I baked this morning." She laughed, hard.

"I don't think I've ever wanted something more than warm cinnamon buns." Sam mused, half to himself and half to feed Andy's smile.

"Well trust me; I'd take you over cinnamon buns any day. But we really do have to go!" She urged playfully.

"Andy, you underestimate me. Sorry honey, but I'm not about to stop now." He laughed at her concern and lowered himself onto her again.

"Oh, so we're just going to be late?" Andy half spoke, half whimpered as Sam tugged off her shirt and began kissing her chest.

"I didn't say that." He smiled. "Just think of this as a drive through, compared to actually…" He chose his words carefully. "Dining in." Her eyes widened with her smile as she pulled him closer to her, her nails scaling his shoulders and licking her lips. She sighed dramatically.

"Well, I suppose I can deal with that."

Almost an hour later, Andy and Sam lay next to each other on the sofa, out of breath. Sam chuckled when he glanced over to see Andy still gripping the sheets. He checked the clock.

"Alright, it's noon. We've got fifteen minutes to put on clothes and get across town." Sam said, rolling over to face her.

"I can't believe you talked me into that." She said, still reeling from Sam's performance. "Seriously, if I was with anyone else, I would still be hold up in my bedroom." He leaned down to kiss her.

"Magic touch, I guess." Sam smiled, his dimples making another heart stopping appearance. "Did I mention that you're delicious?" He hoisted them both off of the bed. He intended to carry Andy up to his bedroom with him so they could get ready together, but something stopped him.

"Andy." He said. "You don't have any clothes here." She cocked her head to the side before speaking.

"Crap, you're right. What now?" She inquired, feeling idiotic for not packing a bag.

"What happened to those sweats you were wearing?" He asked her, taking a few more steps.

"Hell if I know." Andy threw her arms around his neck and smiled again, still too high to truly acknowledge the situation.

"Well, it looks like you're gonna have to borrow a pair of mine." He shrugged, quite content with the idea of Andy walking around in his clothes. They got dressed and headed to the chapel, where the euphoric mood that settled around them quickly disappeared. For the thousandth time, they paused and mentally talked themselves up.

"You gonna be okay for this?" Sam asked Andy.

"Me, Sam? More like, are you gonna be okay?" She responded, a slight worry in her eyes.

"Well just in case, you know. I'm right here." He took her hand and smiled. The appointment took about 45 minutes. The minister was very kind and sympathetic, but Sam knew that it was all artificial. Oak caskets, white roses, small service, open bar. Andy volunteered to help Sam with the slideshow of his older sister during her 38 years.

When they left, they were drained. They crawled back into his truck and where Andy happily made herself comfortable snuggled up to Sam. He turned to her before he started the engine.

"You don't have to do all this." He waved his hand in the direction of the chapel. "If you need some more time to recuperate, I can deal with everything." He offered. She laughed at him before running her hand down his thigh.

"You're funny." She reached out and turned the key in the ignition. On the way home, they stopped by Andy's house to pick up a few things. She liked how by a silent agreement, she could stay with him for however long. They spent less than fifteen minutes in her apartment, the majority of which spent scrolling through her 37 voicemail messages, mostly from Traci. It sounded pretty frantic.

_'Andy, you need to call me back right as soon as you get this message.' _Traci's voice was panicked.

_'I'm fricken serious, Andrea. I'm worried. Sam hasn't been answering his phone either. Call me before I come break down your door.' _Andy grinned sweetly before excusing herself to call Traci back and let her know that she was okay. The call didn't last long, thankfully, as it took all of her self restraint to leave out their morning of 'Drive through' passion.

By the time they reached Sam's place, Andy was jabbering about some movie. Sam pretended to listen intently, but instead he just marvelled at her dishevelled beauty. He was a pretty rational guy, and could figure out most any puzzles. The one troubling him right now was that he should be locked in a dark room with a bottle of Jose Cuervo, crying in between blackouts. Instead, he'd begun to remember his life the way it was; only now, he was picturing it with Andy by his side. He looked forward to waking up the next morning and holding her warm, soft body; whereas normally he'd have to will himself out of bed.

"Hello, earth to Sam?" Andy was saying, waving her hand in front of his eyes. Sam snapped out of his fantasy and smiled brightly at her before jumping out of the truck and jogging around to her side. She looked at him with a perplexed look on her face before letting out a girlish squeal as he lifted her out of the truck and carried her up the stairs.

"So, you hungry?" Sam asked, wondering if she'd catch on. She did.

"Well, Sam. It really depends if you're on the menu."


	7. Redesign

Here we are, second to last chapter. From here on in, it's a bit more lovey dovey. everyones just happy. and its good. well, not at the beginning.

Thank you all for such great reviews, i'm quite happy that it was so well received. you're amazing!

* * *

They say that to love is to live. Whether or not the statement is accurate is up for debate. Because as of right now, Andy McNally may be in love, but she felt pretty dead. It had been a long, rough week for the two partners; one made even rougher by the lack of alcohol consumed. They'd had a great couple of days. Grocery shopping for dinner, followed by lunch at the café down the street and stopping by the Penny to see everyone was great for their recovery.

However, when Andy returned to the station earlier in the day and accompanied Traci to the shooting range, the first shot caught her off guard and suddenly, Sarah was standing behind her. Then for a moment, Andy was Sarah. She was standing in that room, a gun to her head held by her own hand. Andy shook uncontrollably after running from the range. Traci had emptied her clip by the time she realized Andy was gone, but quickly asked Dov to watch her 9 while she tracked her terrified best friend down.

She found Andy sitting on a bench in the locker room, her knees tucked underneath her chin. Closing the door behind her, Traci ran to Andy.

"Jesus, Trace. She was so scared." She whispered through her tears. She rubbed her eyes profusely, and exhaled quickly before continuing. "But what was I supposed to do? I should have done something. I couldn't save her, no one could have. But I should have secured the guys weapon before checking for Sam. I killed her. Did I? Yes. No, I didn't, she killed herself." Andy conversed with herself more than Traci before the other woman interjected.

"Andy, you did nothing wrong." Traci cooed. "Sometimes things don't work out the way we planned. I know you may never see it that way, but you really couldn't have saved her."  
"Yes I could have. Yes I could have." Andy once again spoke more to herself than to Traci. "Should have made Sam come with me upstairs, he could have saved her." Andy's breathing slowed, and her eyes widened as she stared off into space. Traci retrieved her phone from her pocket and pressed a few buttons before putting her hand on Andy's arm, effectively bringing her back to reality.

"Andy, look at me." Traci knew she only had a few more moments of Andy's attention. "I don't know how to make you feel better. I wish I did. All I know is that you will make it through this. Just, hold on girl. You're strong. The past is the past, now you've got other things to think about." Andy's eyes slowly met Traci's, and the door behind them burst open revealing an out of breath Sam.

"I'll see you later, hun, okay?" Traci stood up and brushed shoulders with Sam as she left. He turned and grabbed her wrist before she exited.

"Thanks for the heads up, Traci." He whispered. Traci smiled sympathetically.

"Good luck. Work some of that good old Swarek magic." She left them alone. He walked over and knelt in front of Andy.

"Wanna go home?" He asked her, placing his hands on her knees.

"I've never felt as scared as she must have. I was scared when she had the gun up and I didn't know where you were. If you were there, she wouldn't have done it. I should

have told you to go upstairs. I couldn't stop her. I couldn't do it but you could have." Andy carried on her hysterical babbling.

"Yep, we're going home." He lifted her up off of the bench and opened the door with his foot. He carried her through the side door, saving as much of her dignity as he could, and continued through the parking lot to his truck. He cursed under his breath when he saw Chris walking in the opposite direction. He saw Andy, not moving in Sam's arms and ran over to them.

"What's wrong? What happened? Andy, are you okay?" He panicked.

"Is everyone just completely losing it today?" Sam asked the sky. "She's fine, Diaz. Just a rough day." Sam said, expecting Andy to finish the conversation by thanking Chris for the concern and calmly dismissing him. Instead, she didn't make a sound. "Right, Hon – Andy?" Sam caught himself.

"Uh, I think she's asleep, sir." Chris cocked his head to the side. He gingerly reached out to brush the hair out of her eyes, which were indeed closed, before pulling his hand back quickly to avoid being stabbed by the daggers coming from Sam's eyes. He shifted and looked down at Andy as best he could. Chris watched as Sam's face softened, a small smile creeping up his lips. Without thinking, Sam spoke.

"Hold on to Gail, Chris. You only get to feel like this once." He said quietly before regaining his composure. He shook himself out of his trance before getting Chris to open the passenger door for him. He gently placed Andy in the truck and did up her seatbelt. He stopped for a second to just look at her, once again taken aback by the simple beauty of the woman sleeping in his truck.

"Come back." Andy said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself. Sam could barely restrain himself from crawling in and napping in the truck with her, but a certain Chris Diaz who was still standing next to him made that impossible.

"Do you love her, sir?" Sam heard Chris' small voice behind him. Sam whirled around to face him, the daggers returning. Chris raised his hands in defence.

"What, Diaz?" Sam snapped, using his T.O. voice.

"Well, it's just… I, you know, Gail tells me stuff. Like what Traci and Andy talk about in the uh, locker room. I don't know, it just doesn't sound like Andy's had it easy." He spoke quickly and quietly, as if expecting Gail to jump out of nowhere and bite his head off. Sam turned to look at Andy, still sound asleep.

"Sorry, if I was out of line, sir. I just care about her." Chris offered.

"I care about her too." Sam replied his voice barely above a whisper.

"I think you might hit me for saying this, but I think you'd be good for her." Chris looked at his feet, unsure of how he felt about this honest moment he and Sam were sharing. When Sam turned, Chris stepped back on one foot, prepared for a punch in the jaw. Instead, Sam just smiled.

"See you in a few days, Diaz."

Sam pulled up in front of his place about fifteen minutes later, Andy still sleeping soundly next to him. He reached out and lightly tucked her hair behind her ear. She stirred lightly, and then arched her back and stretched out her arms, yawning. She opened her eyes and looked around, startled.

"How did we get back here?" She asked, sleepily.

"Well, Andy, we used this fascinating new technology called driving." Sam laughed as he jumped out of the truck and jogged around to her side. She willingly climbed into his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. He carried her inside and set her down on the bed, and went to grab a glass of water. When he returned, she had changed into a pair of sweats and one of his shirts. She really loved wearing his shirts. She was tucked underneath the blue comforter she'd brought with her when she'd started keeping some of her things at his place.

He crawled underneath the covers with her and pulled her in close.

"So what happened at the range, babe?" He asked, trying to gauge the situation. They'd seen each other at their worst many times over the past few weeks, and he was fairly confident that he knew how to deal.

"Traci's gun went off, and it just scared me. I was just back in Sarah's room, and I was alone, I don't know. I'm better now. Now that I'm safe." Andy's voice lowered and she dropped her head back onto the pillow.

"You gonna make it, Panda?" He whispered. She giggled, loving the new nickname he'd given her. Something to do with the way she slept all the time and only ate certain foods, he'd explained. She just laughed along, barely hearing what he was saying. Fact is, he could have called her anything and she would have been happy. Now, she just had to think of a nickname for him.

"I think so, what about you?" She ran her fingers down the side of his face.

"I think I'm headed in the right direction." He smiled and kissed her. They both happily fell asleep, Andy painfully aware that once again, Sam had pulled her out of despair unlike any other.

When Sam woke, Andy wasn't beside him. He was disappointed for a minute, until he realized that she would just be downstairs. He walked into the kitchen to find her preparing dinner. He walked up behind her and kissed her ear.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked playfully, his arms around her waist.

"Making dinner." She giggled back. "Lasagna sound good?"

"Andy's lasagna, my favourite." He humoured her. "Can I help you with anything?" He offered, still smiling.

"No, no, I've got it. You go sit, relax." She swore she had everything under control.

"Alright, your wish is my command, Panda." Sam winked at her.

"Rawr." Andy adored their childish games. She turned to back to Sam, who was leaning against the counter.

"Didn't I tell you to sit?" She pointed her spoon at him. He responded with a classic 'I-didn't-do-it!' smile, from ear to ear. She crinkled her nose at him, and he raised his hands in defeat.

"Alright! I'm sitting, I'm sitting!" He laughed over to the table. He turned and grabbed a new bottle of barbeque sauce that Andy had bought and skimmed the label. Shifting his gaze, he noticed the days newspaper folded in half, classifieds up. He lifted it off the table, and noticed that a few places up for rent were circled in red.

"Doing some shopping, McNally?" Sam inquired. When she turned around with a confused look on her face, he held up the paper. "Two bedroom, one and a half baths? Or, Two bedroom, one bath with in house laundry? That's pretty rare in these apartments." He asked her, very interested. Andy sighed, raising her hands before dropping them at her sides.

"I just, I think I need a new place. You know? Need a change of scenery." Andy stuttered. '_Great, she's not telling me something. Again._' Sam tapped his fingers and smiled before speaking.

"You tired of staying with me, Andy?" Sam asked, half serious.

"No! No, no definitely not." Andy assured him. "Honestly, I was looking for a place closer to yours… but I didn't want to freak you out." A blush crept up her neck.

"Andy! Are you kidding? That doesn't freak me out at all. I love having you here." Sam said, baffled. "You haven't even been home in three weeks, not for more than a half hour at a time, at least." Andy smiled.

"Well, you know me. And I really don't want to overstay my welcome. You've been so good to me through all of this; I thought maybe you'd want me out of your hair for a while." Andy shrugged. Sam got out of his chair and took her hands in his.

"Andy, you know me inside and out." Sam began.

"That is true." Andy smiled to herself.

"Shh. Sam's talking. Like I was saying, you know me inside and out. Better than anyone. What would make you think I want you to leave?" He asked her, disbelief plaguing his voice.

"I'm just worried you won't like me anymore." She said quietly. "Like, you? Andy? Of course I like you Andy, I freakin' lo –" Sam stopped speaking and Andy's eyes went wide. "Look, Panda. You rent the place if you want. But, I'd like it if you still stayed here sometimes." He looked up at her and smiled, his dimples leaving her speechless.

"Well, I can't even get the one I want. The rent is just too much. I really liked it too, it was a little house. It was perfect, it had this cute little yard, and…" Andy sighed. "It was totally white picket fence. But, I guess it wouldn't be so fairytale, if I didn't have someone to share it with, right?" Andy was out of breath after explaining herself. "Maybe I could afford it next year. Until then I guess I'm okay where I am. And I know, that I'm okay here." She kissed him.

"You most definitely are." Sam kissed her back. When they pulled away, Sam could see the wheels spinning in Andy's head. In one smooth, calculated move, he swept her off of her feet and carried her into the living room.

"You, relax. I'll finish dinner." He kissed her forehead and handed her the remote. She opened her mouth in protest.

"Panda." Sam warned her. Andy surrendered and made herself comfortable on the couch. As he returned to the kitchen and continued chopping vegetables, he smiled to himself.

Sam Swarek had a plan.


	8. Rejoice

Okay, everyone. here's the last one. It's **VERY LONG**. But I just couldn't trim it down. To some, it may seem a little unrealistic, but this is what my dad did for my mom.

I thank you all for the encouraging reviews. You may be able to spot the beginning of my next fic in this one. Keep your eyes open ;)

As for the 'Panda' explanation. I picked it because that's what my boyfriend calls me. I know bambi is sweeter, but everyone uses bambi. I needed a change.

ENJOY!

* * *

"Sam, isn't this a little fast?" Traci asked.

"It kind of is, but I think she deserves it. The only thing is, I want to surprise her. But I know nothing about what women wear. Well I do, but not to the point where I could pick this for her. I don't even know what I'm doing here." Sam stood with his hands on his hips as his eyes left Traci's to examine the department store.

"Well, if you're serious about this, then you definitely asked the right person. I know that girl better than she knows herself." Traci laughed. She led Sam to the women's wear section of the store, and began picking through the racks. Sam followed obediently behind her, trying to understand why the blue dress didn't stand up to the purple.

Traci was like a well oiled machine. She would pick up four dresses, take two steps and say something like: 'Oh come one, what is this? The '80s?' She'd then put a dress back and continue on.

The hours wore on, and the exhaustion was beginning to show on Sam's face.

"Okay, how do women do this? We've been here for four hours, and you haven't found a single dress that you think will work." Sam whined.

"You want it to be perfect, right?" Traci raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yeah." Sam sighed.

"Good boy. Well, I think this might actually be the one." Traci gestured to the black and silver dress slung over her arm. It had light embellishments around the neckline with an empire waist, and it just screamed 'Andy'.

"Really? Yes! Let's go get some food." Sam cheered.

"Whoa whoa whoa there, boy. We're not done yet." Traci stopped him.

"What?" Sam's eyes widened and Traci's smile did the same. She hooked her arm in Sam's.

"To the shoe department!" She cried, as if leading a small army. Sam moaned in protest but followed.

Andy rolled over in bed and checked the time. Five PM. She hated surprises, she really did. But this morning, when Sam did his best to not give away any details about this grand plan of his, she just had to give in. He just seemed so excited.

"What have I gotten myself into?" Andy asked herself as she swung her feet over the side of the bed. She heard Sam's key in the lock, and ran to the door to greet him. She got to the door just as he stepped in, a large shopping bag slung over his shoulder. She hopped around in front of him, trying to get a peek in the bag. Sam placed it on the table carefully before turning and picking Andy up, spinning her in a circle.

She let out a gleeful scream as he scooped her up, feeling like she did when she was a kid. Happy.

"What's in the bag, Sam?" She said, kissing him in between words.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He winked at her and carried her to the bedroom. He sat her down on the bed.

"Wait here." He ordered. Andy complied, although she didn't want to. She heard Sam talking in the kitchen, and when he returned she proceeded to put her interrogation techniques to good use.

"Is there something you aren't telling me, Mr. Swarek?" She placed her palm on his chest. Well, maybe she tweaked her interrogation tactics a bit.

"Yes there is, Ms. McNally." Andy tugged him toward the bed, making what was on her mind very clear.

"Andy," Sam began. "God I can't believe I'm saying this." He whispered to himself. "Not now. I've got to do a few more things, and then you'll get your surprise." Andy pouted, giving him her best puppy dog face.

"But Saaaaaam!" She whined a little. "I want you now." She whispered, clawing at his shirt. Sam leaned down and kissed her deeply, before breaking away and promptly running out of the room. Andy followed.

"Nope, you are not going to win this one." Sam laughed, pretending to cover his eyes.

"Open your eyes Swarek." Andy ordered, before quickly taking off her shirt.

"Andy, you're really sexy." Sam's words were not the ones he intended to say. Completely mesmerised by what he was passing up, he kissed her again before breaking for the front door. He escaped successfully, the only thing keeping him going was the promise that it would be worth waiting until later. He opened up his phone and dialled.

"Diaz, Dov. You guys still available for today?" He asked. "Good, be at my place for eight okay? You guys gotta work fast. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep her out and distracted." He listened briefly to what the rookies on the other end had to say. He laughed and replied honestly. "You guys have no idea what I just gave up. And yes, Dov, you can draw your own conclusions from that. Are you guys gonna be there afterwards? Thanks guys. I owe you." Sam said quickly before hanging up and mentally checking his To Do list.

He turned back to the door and opened it. He called in quickly,

"Andy, love. We're going out tonight! Dinner's at 7:30." He spoke quickly, before running down to his truck. Oh, the things a man would do for his love.

Inside, Andy paced trying to figure out what he was planning. Step one, find that shopping bag.

When Sam returned almost an hour later, his house had been turned upside down.

"Panda, what exactly are you doing?" He said, leaning against the door frame as she dug through his closet. Startled, she sat up straight.

"Nothing, you know. Lost my… contact?" She offered, a huge smile on her face.

"Where you, by any chance, looking for… this?" He pulled out the shopping bag from underneath his dresser.

"What? How did you? What?" Andy babbled.

"I'm a cop, Andy. It's a secret drawer." He handed her the bag. "We've got about an hour before we have to leave. So hop to it, McNally!" He helped her off of the ground before kissing her sweetly on the cheek.

Andy immediately ripped through the tissue paper lining the inside of what was obviously a shoe box. She gasped as she pulled out the single most beautiful pair of stilettos she'd ever seen. She pulled her new dress out of the bag and shrieked with delight. Maybe she could get used to surprises. She quickly slipped into the outfit laid out on the bed before her. It fit like a glove. '_I have Traci to thank for this._' She grinned as she spun in front of the mirror. Applying her makeup and doing her hair in a simple updo was all she could do to keep herself occupied. When she was finally ready, the clock read 6:57 PM.

"Panda! Let's go!" Sam called from downstairs. When he laid eyes on her, it was like his first love all over again. She was breathtakingly stunning, the silver heels made her legs continue for miles and Traci's dress hung perfectly on her beautiful frame.

"Whoa." Was all Sam could manage as he walked over to her.

"Whoa you, Sam! Look at you, all decked out." Andy clenched her fists, as to make sure she didn't rip his suit right off of him. They drove to Andy's favourite restaurant and shared the most delicious lobster they'd ever eaten. The night had been perfect so far, spent shooting each other bedroom eyes from across the table. After they'd eaten, Sam unveiled the next part of his surprise.

"So, you wanna go dancing?" He asked casually. Andy's eyes widened and her face brightened like he'd never seen before.

"YES!" Andy smiled at him, loving her surprise so far. She leaned over and kissed him across the table. "You're way too good to me. Way too good." Andy whispered, not knowing how to express her gratitude using words. Sam paid the bill and swept Andy off to the next location on the agenda for the evening. They pulled up to Sam's favourite club, which also featured a spring loaded dance floor, a la the Commodore. As they entered, the lights raised and a voice came over the mic.

"Well, ladies and gentleman. The next few songs are for all of the couples out there, especially the ones that can really dance. So ladies, let your hair down and men, loosen your ties. Let's do this!" The DJ called into the microphone before starting up the music again. Andy obeyed and unpinned her hair as Sam whisked her off towards the dance floor and took her in his arms. They danced and twirled around for what felt like hours, both loving every moment of it. As the end of another song approached, Sam threw Andy back for one last dip. As he pulled her back up, his heart stopped. Her hair cascaded around her shoulders, her eyes smiling as much as her mouth was. What happened next was not a part of his plan. It just happened, nothing could have prevented it.

"I love you." He gazed into her amber eyes. "I love you." He repeated. Andy's eyes widened.

"Really?" She whispered, eyes brimming with tears.

"Yes." Sam exclaimed, nodding frantically with a smile to match hers. Andy flung her arms around his neck and kissed him like never before.

"I love you too." She whispered. Catcalls and whistles sounded off around them as Sam kissed her again. He picked her up and spun her around, never wanting to let go. Looking at them now, you never would have known that tragedy had struck them a mere three weeks ago. Now, they were just a young couple, madly in love.

They made their way over to the bar to sit for a minute.

"I love you." Sam smiled at her. It had effectively become his catch phrase. "Like, a lot."

"I love you too, probably more." Andy said as she began sipping her second martini. The bartender grinned to himself as he heard them talk to each other. Unnoticed, he checked Sam's card for his name and jogged off towards the DJ's booth. When he returned, he was smiling almost as much as they were. The song ended, and once again the DJ's voice sounded over the sound system.

"Some of you may have noticed a certain lovely young couple this evening, dancing and smiling all night long. If you'd just look over to the bar there, you'll see them." Andy's eyes widened and her mouth hung open.

"Mr. and Mrs. Swarek, would you two like to dance?" The DJ called them to the dance floor.

"This one, was not me." Sam laughed as he took Andy's hand and pulled her out to the center of the floor. People parted around them, and Andy felt her stage fright creeping up. The music started, and Sam started leading her through the dance, and instantly she relaxed. For four glorious minutes, all eyes were on them as the floated around the dance floor. Once again, hoots and hollers sounded from around the building as the song finished, and Sam pulled Andy in close.

"Did I mention you look beautiful, this evening?" He asked Andy. She blushed and touched her forehead to his.

"I love you, Andy." His voice quivered. "I really, really love you." Tears spilled and she kissed him with everything she had. Andy looked up and saw a few other bystanders with tears in their eyes and realized that the DJ had cut the music. Everyone had heard them. She began to blush but then realized that she didn't care. She hugged Sam tightly.

"Don't ever let me go. Not ever." She said to his shoulder.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Panda." He led her back to the bar, where the bartender handed him his credit card back.

"You should watch that, buddy. You're lucky I only used your name for a little more dancing." Sam thanked the bartender and left a generous tip.

By the time they left, Andy was a little past tipsy. She fell asleep in the truck ride home, fortunately for Sam. He checked the clock – 11:30. He picked up his phone and quietly dialled Chris.

"You guys ready? Great. We'll be there in ten." He whispered. He could barely contain himself as he drove. When the truck pulled to a stop, Sam rounded the front to Andy's side and lifted her out.

"Are we home?" She asked sleepily.

"Yeah, we are. Take a look." Andy opened her eyes to see a white picket fence in front of a small, green lawn. Her eyes travelled up further and she realized where she was.

"This is our house?" She shrieked, clapping her hands to her mouth.

"If you'll have me." Sam took her hands and walked her up to the porch.

"Ready?" Sam asked.

"I love you." Andy replied. Sam reached out and knocked on the door. Andy opened her mouth, confused, but quickly caught on when Traci opened the door, screaming with joy, followed by Chris, Dov, Noelle, Oliver, and finally, Gail.

Traci bear hugged her while Oliver shook Sam's hand.

"You sure about this, buddy?" Oliver clapped a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Never been more sure about anything. I think, she's my Zoey." He said to his friend.

"Congratulations, man. You really deserve it. So does she." They watched their fellow officers hug and congratulate Andy, who was basking in this new found joy. Her martinis loosened her up just enough. Andy stepped inside her new home and started to cry. Sam walked up and laced his arms around her waist.

"You like it?" He whispered, and everyone quieted to hear her reply.

"I love it. I love you." She sniffed.

"I love you too." Sam would never get tired of saying it.

"Wait, how did all the furniture get here?" Andy asked as she flicked on a light. Chris and Dov came bouncing out of the crowd.

"That was all us folks!" Dov announced. He patted his arms. "We used good old fashioned hard work and muscles!" He was very proud. He high fived Chris, who gave his girlfriend an encouraging look. Gail obediently took out a bottle of Champaign.

"Housewarming party!" She called out. Everyone cheered and a party ensued. Music, more dancing, it was a great night. Andy kicked off her shoes and thanked Traci for helping Sam with her outfit and they laughed and talked until almost 4 AM. Oliver left around midnight, not wanting to get home too late and risk waking up the girls. Noelle left soon after, but the rookies hung around.

"Damn rookies, you guys can party." Sam admitted after his third beer. No sooner than ten seconds later, Gail sprinted into the bathroom and threw up.

"Gail!" Chris called in, putting down his drink and starting towards the bathroom.

"What happened? Frosty can't hold her liquor?" Traci snorted.

"I don't think that's it." Dov said, swirling her drink in his hand. "It's just Sprite." Andy looked at Traci and then Sam, who looked just as confused. Chris appeared with a crying Gail in his arms. She quickly wiped away her tears and pretended to be asleep.

"We're gonna head home, I think. Thanks for tonight guys, it was fun. I hope you guys love it here." He smiled as Traci opened the front door for them. By the time the two were gone, questions were already flying.

"What was that about?" Traci's eyes were wide. Surprisingly, Andy was the first one to jump to Gail's defence.

"She probably just hates being sick. When I was little, every time I'd throw up, I'd make my Dad sit with me for hours because I'd cry so hard. I hated it." Traci narrowed her eyes at Andy, but was too far into her fourth glass of bubbly to care. About an hour later, Traci and Dov decided to make their exit. Both way too drunk to drive, Sam called Jerry and gave him a heads up before getting them a cab. Dov carried Traci down to the sidewalk while she sang about his hair. Sam laughed as he heard Traci continue from inside until the cab door finally closed. By the time all was said and done, Andy was exhausted. Sam carried her upstairs to their new bedroom. She was asleep before he even reached the top of the stairs, so he carefully pulled off her dress and helped her into some pajamas.

"Sam?" Andy spoke as Sam climbed into bed.

"Yes, Panda?" He grinned at her.

"Thank you so much. I'll thank you properly in the morning, but until then, thank you. This night was so perfect. You're amazing." Andy smiled, her eyes closed.

"Anytime, babe. Get some sleep." Sam wrapped his arms around her. Her breathing evened out and Sam carefully slipped out of bed and walked downstairs, admiring his new home along the way.

He sat down at the kitchen table and looked out through the large east facing front window. By now, the sun was beginning to rise. The sky turned pink and Sam clasped his hands in front of him.

"Oh, Sarah. I wish you could have been here to see this. To see me, and Andy." Sam whispered. "She reminds me of you." He laughed. "From the glares and the accusing tones you were so good at." He chuckled and shook his head. "She cooks just like you. Remember that oatmeal we ate for breakfast every morning? She makes it the exact same way, I swear. Same amount of brown sugar and everything." The sun rose a little higher into the sky, a beautiful new day forming. An orange glow was cast about the kitchen. Behind him, Andy could be seen sitting on the stairs, her chin resting on her hands. "The shampoo she uses? Reminds me of that floral crap you used to spray around the living room. Sorry, sis. But it smells delicious on her. Just, not so much in the living room." Sam ran his hands through his hair freely, his stitches having dissolved. "This place is so perfect. It's a dream come true. Just like Pa – Andy said, white picket fence. Can't you see some little kids, and a dog running around here?" Sam mentally reprimanded himself for getting his hopes up. He sighed. "You'd really love her, Sarah. I always pictured you at my wedding, sitting in the front row." Andy's breath caught. "I guess it's too late, hm." He whispered.

Andy's eyes clouded with tears before turning and creeping back up the stairs. She knew he'd hear her if she stayed, as much as she wanted to. The sun peeked over the top of the mountains, and Sam took a deep breath.

"I love you Sarah. Because of you, I've never felt so at home. One day, you'll meet her. I swear." Sam got up and started back up stairs, greeted by the now completely risen sun when he reached the bedroom.

He crawled back into bed with Andy and held her tightly. He was almost asleep when a smile crept up Andy's face. He cupped her face in his hands.

"What are you smiling about?" He smiled sleepily. Andy paused a moment before answering.

"Sam, can we get a dog?"

* * *

_There you have it! Thank you all so much. (Did you see my next fic in there?) :D _


End file.
